Its ok to not be ok

This is the best saying ever. So many times when life is hard and all you want to do is just sit down and cry, but you don't. You suck it up and say "I'm ok". Why do we lie to ourselves? We aren't ok! Life is hard! It just keeps getting harder.

So many emotions running through me right now. I want to cry. I want to scream. I want to feel something. But I am blank, numb, lost. I'm not ok. I'm scared, and yet I have to be strong. I can not cry! I close my eyes and pray. So many thoughts so many prayers. Pleading for things to be ok, for him to be ok. God, please!

Updates...

Gracious I have been slacking on my blog!! So many things are happening in our lives. Ryan is rocking it in school!!! Nothing but A's, I am so proud of him. We have started going to church with Millisa and Kevin and we are loving it! Ryan and I have rededicated our lives to God and are becoming more active with the church. I have started Grad school and yes if you are wondering I am nuts!! I am enrolled in the MBA program with an emphasis in Health Care Management, however, I am not sure I am going to remain in that major. I am toying with a few different majors. I am working at GES as a billing coordinator. Life is good and moving back to Vegas was a GREAT decision for us!

Baby Shower

Yesterday was my sister in laws baby shower. It was a bit chaotic at first but then things got rolling and it was great. She was blessed beyond words with amazing presents for her little Kollin. The party was a hit, good food, fun games and many blessings for the parents to be. Life is good and God is great! I am so happy to be back home.

Las Vegas is calling....

We have decided that we are moving back to Las Vegas. Washington has been very good to us and we have no regrets about moving up here and starting our lives as a married couple on our own. We have been able to grow as a couple and bond in many ways. This experience has been amazing and beneficial for our marriage and lives. With that said, we feel as if our journey and growth here have come to an end. We really want to be able to raise Vance around his grandparents. It is difficult to do with all of them in Vegas and us here. Schedules conflict and finances aren't there to allow as many visits as we would all like. To be honest, I miss my family and so does my husband. We have weighed this decision and it has been heavy on our hearts and minds for quite some time. We made a list of pros and cons and when everything was said and done all signs pointed us back to Vegas. So we are about to embark on another chapter of our lives. Starting over once again, only this time it will be back HOME!!! We will have the support of both of our families. God has blessed us in so many ways and we have faith that he will continue to bless us and guide us down the right paths in life. I am bursting with excitement and can't wait until the days have passed and we arrive in Vegas. It can't come soon enough for me!! I just pray that when the time comes we have a safe journey and that we will be able to find work in Vegas. Every fiber in my being says that this is what we are supposed to do, and that God has a plan and things will work out including jobs. Ryan is planning on going back to school for HVAC. I couldn't be more proud of my husband for making this decision and taking the steps to further his education and career. He is amazing and I am blessed beyond words that he is mine. Life is good and it will only get better!!!

Decisions....

Decisions have been made and a plan devised. Now it seems to be a matter of time. God please guide us down the right path as we make some changes in our lives.

Change

The winds of change are blowing...........

Health journey

Ryan and I have set out on a journey to become healthy or should I say healthier. We have adjusted our way of eating and are watching calorie intake. We have increased our vegetable intake and cut out or drastically lowered our carb intake. It has been a week that we have been eating well and excercising. I lost 6 lbs. week one and so did Ryan. We are now almost through week two and things are looking up. We eat about every 3 hours. Breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner and sometimes a snack. Although we are both supposed to take in different calorie amounts we have both maintained about a 1500 calorie intake a day. I have found that I am not hungry because I am constantly eating but eating HEALTHY!!! Big change from what it used to be. My goal is to lose 100lbs total. Fingers crossed and God willing, I am going to do it!!!

Favorable Weddings

Well we are getting so close to actually launching our website. For those of you who don't know yet we are starting an internet business. It is called Favorable Weddings and we will be offering unique wedding favors. This has been a labor of love for me so far. I have learned a lot about building websites and starting a online business. I know that we still have a long road ahead of us but I will be patient while God takes us down a new road and we begin this journey as business owners. I am praying that we will be successful and am hopeful that you all will like our website and help us spread the word about our awesome new business :)

Blessed!!

This weekend was a true blessing! I received a wonderful surprise in the mail from my Aunt Christine. A total unexpected blessing that made my day and moved me to tears. I truly have an awesome family. Thank Aunt and Uncle Chris!! I love you both so very much.

Process has begun

Today I applied for Grad school. I have decided to pursue my Master's. I am going for my MBA with an emphasis in Health Care Management. 53 credits = about a year and a half. The next chapter of my life is beginning!!! Can't wait to see how it unfolds :)

Potty training COMPLETE!!!

A few weeks ago one of my friends replied to a post I put on Facebook in regards to running out of Pull Ups. She is a nanny and replied "Run out? We didn't "run out" I simply hid them and that is how Mya was finally potty trained." This sparked something in me so I decided to only put Vance in Pull Ups for nap and bedtime. All other times he was in regular underwear. We also implemented (and actually followed through) with a reward system. We did a potty chart and put it next to the toilet downstairs. I then bought special stickers (Spiderman, Iron Man, and Scooby Doo). Every time he went potty when I told him to he got 1 M&M. If he went potty on his own he got a sticker and 2 M&M's. If he went poop he got 6 M&M's and the coveted Iron Man sticker.

The first day we had one accident on the floor. After that he was great! He would go potty every time I told him to which was every hour. By the third day he was running into the bathroom on his own. By the fifth day he was going completely on his own even poop!!! Today it is like second nature to him. He runs to the bathroom every time he has to potty. He gets so excited when he goes poop in the toilet, he thinks its great!!! I do too! :) Another parenting milestone in the books :)

New Goals

Well, I have started the process of potentially pursuing my Master's degree. It would be at the same college I went to for my bachelors and it would still be online. I worry though how much stock a Masters degree from an online instution really holds. I mean they are accredited and have many brick and mortar campuses in Michigan so it is not just a fly by night degree online. It would take me about a year and a half depending on how many classes I would take at one time. Now the problem is (or should I say question) would I be able to work and do a Master's program? Of course finding a job out here in WA is proving more difficult than I thought it would be. I (for some stupid reason) thought once I graduated more doors would be open to me, given I have that fun little piece of paper. I am finding, however, that people who were once employed with the companies I am applying to are the ones receiving the jobs. A few places have called me for phone interviews and then sent an email stating "upon reviewing your resume you do not meet the qualifications for this position." Maybe I need to revisit my resume? I have the skills, I have the education, something is disconnecting in the middle.
Although Ryan and I are working on a business venture right now and I truly want it to be prosperous, I am not sure and can't put all my faith in it "just in case". Always have to have a back up plan. :)

A Great Day!!!

Today is a GREAT day! Not only is it my father in laws birthday, Happy birthday Pops!! but I also received my degree today. Signed, Sealed and Deliverd!!!! I am officially a college graduate! It finally feels real now that the piece of paper is in my hand. It was a very long journey with many obstacles in the road, but I kept trucking and can now say that I have my Bachelor's of Business Administration and I graduated Cum Laude. Scratch one more thing of my list of goals!!!

New Year.... New Adventures

Well here we are, 2011. Goodness it seems like 2010 flew by!! It is hard to imagine that we have lived in Washington for a full year now. We celebrated the New Year as a family just the three of us at home watching movies, eating junkfood, and enjoying each other. Vance stayed up until 9 but then started meltdown mode and we put him to bed. Ryan and I stayed up watching a movie and enjoyed the few fireworks we could see from our house. We rang in the new year with a toast of Sparkling Cider.

May the best of your 2010 be the worst of your 2011! Many Blessings to you all in the new year! :)